Stages of Progress

If I don't have something to aim for, I tend to fly into a panic.

I wasn't aware of this until May, when I graduated college. Until now, my life has always been neatly segmented for me; Autumn semester, Halloween break, winter semester, Christmas break, spring semester, midterm break with a vacation, summer semester, summer break where I earn enough money in the first half to go on vacation in the second half... I mean, obviously it started to get more in depth than that once I hit college and started working, then taking vacation mid-year and stuff. But always in the back of my mind was that 'school calendar' that dictated my life. And I had a *goal* at the end of it. I was studying for a degree, there was always another essay deadline to meet or another exam to study for.

And then it stopped.

The first couple of months of lazing around were nice, my vacation was even nicer, but then I got home and suddenly it occurred to me that I didn't have a goal anymore. I had an ultimatum - get a fulltime job, or die of starvation and poverty. So I got a real job. But that was it - goal achieved. This job is not rocket science, I'm not learning anything. I'm not going to be tested on my phone manner. This is IT.

So I started to focus on what happens *next*. Where do I want to go now? The obvious answer, to me, was that I want to be where my boyfriend is. The problem with that is, my boyfriend lives in a different country, so that involves visas and endless amounts of cash and huge commitments. At first, he wasn't as keen on the idea because he still hasn't reached that stage where he's done everything and needs a new goal. So it was less a solution to his problems, and more of another huge Thing to add to his list of Things He Has To Do. But after a while the idea started to grow on him (or my haranguing wore him down, I'm not sure which =p) and I was given the go-ahead to work on my New Goal.

But *that* goal is bigger than him, me, my job, his job, and anything we could possibly imagine. So, once again, panic set in. And when I panic, I get depressed. So I wasn't really have the best summer so far. Then the boyfriend, wonderful creature that he is, spoke to wiser and better minds and fixed a couple of my major panicky issues for me.

Now, I've decided I need to avoid that again by going back to stages. I spent (a lot) of money inventing two new stages; an October vacation to see the boyfriend in LA, and a December visit from the boyfriend to Ireland. If I just focus on them, on earning money for them, on sorting out the things I need for them, and on planning what we'll do during those trips, then I'll be okay.

So I guess you could say I have another new goal - just don't think about Life After Christmas. =p